growing

Looking back, last year was a rough year for Drew in many ways.  In the middle of tough things, I always wonder if it's just a phase or a new normal, but now I can see it was just for a time - as it usually is.
School was upped to every day and an earlier start, which he didn't like.  He's not a morning person so I knew he wouldn't like that part, but since he loved preschool so much, I was surprised the other kids and fun activities weren't enough to get him excited.  Some days started with tears, some days required a tug of war to get him out from under the covers, but at the very least I could expect a, "Why do I haaave to go??"  Even though he was happy when I picked him back up and had lots of fun things to tell me about his day, the cycle continued each morning.-seemed about 5 or 6 years too soon for all that.  He took swim lessons at the pool, as well as basketball and soccer lessons at the Y.- All of which I think he really liked, but it seemed like I had to do a lot of pep talking to get him out the door.  And even church, essentially our second home, was a struggle.  He didn't like Awana, he didn't like Junior Church... and he did like very much when mommy moved too slow to get us to church in time for Sunday School.  It wasn't like he was sitting around the house all the time watching TV or playing video games. - He still loved to play and laugh, and was really, really happy ..when it was just us.  He really liked being out and active with our family and close friends, I just felt like he was missing out on a lot of fun, kid adventures.- or at least enjoying them.
Things did get very extreme right before Lily was born, and we were praying it would come to an end once she arrived.  It did - it was as if the moment I told Drew that we'd be heading to the hospital for Lily to be born, a huge weight was lifted off his little body and his smile showed back up.  The rest of the school year was better, but more like what we had come to accept was a new normal for him.
Last week was when it finally hit me that it's like I have a different kid standing in front of me.  He seems to be loving school this year.  He wakes happy and with an eagerness to get ready for his day, and I don't hear any complaining about going.  He played soccer this year, loved it even though he had a lot of learning to do, and already can't wait for the spring season to start.  Even taking him to his doc check-up a few weeks ago- I always brace myself for his shy reaction to people he's not very comfortable with asking him questions, but he chatted away with two dimples and a smile.  What made me finally recognize it was Awana night last week.  Instead of telling him how much fun he was going to have (and him being unimpressed), he was the one telling me how much fun he'd be having.  He also told me that when this year of Awana is over (umm.. not til May), he wants to do it again next year.  I asked him what the change was that made this year so much better.- He said, "Well last year, I just missed you and was sad because I wanted to be with you, but this year I'm ok."  It was so sweet to hear him express himself - I was of course sad he'd been feeling that way but also so happy that we are on the other side of things now.
He's always been my sweet little snugglebug which I totally adore, but I'm also glad that he's "ok" without me.  I want him to feel freedom to go have adventures, even if for now it's only 1.5 hrs a week in the classroom below where daddy works.  I want him to be excited to go do his own things, not worrying about us, and be excited when it's time to come together as a family again.  I feel like despite a lot of effort, we missed the mark with Drew last year.  We did a ton of reassuring him, praying with him, spending special quality time with just him, pushing him a little so he could see it'd be ok and we'd still be right there, but in the end I think he just needed more time or more growth (or probably a combination of both) to work it out.  I'm sure any more experienced parents reading this are thinking, "oh, one day you will wish that your biggest problem is that your kid doesn't want to leave your side," but for this stage, I'm proud of where my little peanut is at and that we are over this hurdle.  If he didn't have an 8-month old baby sister, I'd say I'm getting a lot more sleep these days!